In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize