after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize