Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
