And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
