Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
