you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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