im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
