I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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