Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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