Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Bring me that man meat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
