Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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