so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
