Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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