Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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