Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
