I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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