He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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