You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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