yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize