please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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