Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
home. puking in laundry basket.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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