If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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