walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
