I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
