I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
