So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
