My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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