Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
