my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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