can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
