Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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