I'm lost and stupid without you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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