your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
