Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
