so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
