gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize