if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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