i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
