I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
