Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
