Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
