watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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