If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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