I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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