youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
