R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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