clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
