forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
