Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
