you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
