I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
