you have to choose: penises or morals?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
