I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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