i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
