Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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