my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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