i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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