I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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