Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
