I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
