I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
