I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
