if you like me you must not know who I am
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
