Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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