I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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