Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
