sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
there is puke in my bra ... again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
