I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
