You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
4 words: hood of his car
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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