it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My bed smells like the plague
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
