i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
