You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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