You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize