he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
