A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
