YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
