wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
