I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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