would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
