I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
