why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I understand Curling. That high.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
