i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
