My brain says no but my pants say off.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
soo... how was my night?
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