I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
