That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
