Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
