All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
