I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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