dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
this is an emotional support booty call
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
