so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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