well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
