i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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