2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
