You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
