i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
