Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
