remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
