The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
