I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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