He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
